Learning Along the Way

A friend recently read this blog and told me she was surprised at how 'open' I was (read: sharing too much information) about the stresses, ups and downs of wedding planning and my life/relationship. I told her that there are plenty of other bloggers out there that are WAY more open with their business than I am, but that I understood where she's coming from.

Well, in the spirit of sharing but not sharing TOO much (I do like to keep many things private), let me just say that the emotional side of preparing for and planning a wedding are much more intense than I thought they'd be. My therapist says that getting ready for our wedding is triggering all my 'core issues'---aka sh*t I've been dealing with in my life for a long time, and that a lot of us deal with on an emotional and psychological level, whether we're aware of it or not--like abandonment, insecurities about commitment, fear of turning into my parents, etc. This triggering has led to a lot of soul-searching and tough conversations between H. and I. But although neither one of us is perfect and I definitely have made some mistakes, said hurtful things, etc. to him when I'm really just anxious about making the biggest commitment I've ever made to another person in my life, I can also safely (and gladly) say that the whole process has brought us a lot closer.

I guess that's what people mean when they say that even just the process of planning a wedding will test your relationship. There are so many aspects of the planning--setting the invitation list, picking who's going to be in our wedding party, dealing with family, talking about money--that can bring up thorny, difficult issues, that it's so important that we try to stay grounded and remember why we're doing this all in the first place.

And really, even though we decided to get married partially to make our families happy and partially to set ourselves up financially for a life together, really we want to get married also because we love each other, and because we want our community of friends and family to witness and honor the commitment we're making to each other. The journey to that day has its fair share of obstacles, but it's all just practice to help us refine how to be with each other, how to love each other, and how to take care of ourselves along the way.

I'm learning a lot, and I think H . is too, on many levels that I'd never really thought about before. It's a fascinating journey, and one that I'm not regretting.