DIY vs. 'Traditional'

H. and I--and our fabulous wedding crew of 'bridesmaids' and 'groomsmen', for lack of better terminology--have been trying to plan our wedding in a fairly DIY (do-it-yourself) way. H., a graphic designer and DJ by training and background, is designing our wedding invitations, fairly elaborate affairs involving ribbon, 'matchbook'-style cover and multiple inserts, as well as pulling together all the musical elements of the event. I have worked as a professional event coordinator and my attention-to-detail-meter is so scary that I created a 12-tab Excel spreadsheet to track everything from the invite list to the menu to the budget to the tasks/timeline. I also wrote the wedding party processional order during a moment of inspired compulsiveness when I was waiting for the bus a couple months ago.

So we are definitely lucky to have these skills, both from a budget perspective (people spend craploads of money on invitations and DJs/sound equipment, and we'll have custom-designed invitations and at least three DJs for less than $1,000 for everything) and from a quality control perspective. I also know that there are cheaper and more fun alternative ways to do just about everything--like hiring our own waitstaff so that we can completely control our dinner menu for the reception and keep the per-person food costs down to as little as $15, including drinks! Or like researching the cutty, out-of-the-way halls and ceremony sites that only locals know about but that cost a fraction of what the 'popular' wedding venues cost (we're paying about $1,000 for both the ceremony and reception venue combined). But a lot of people who don't have experience planning events, working with vendors and organizing multiple volunteers and paid staff for a project like this just wouldn't know that so many cool options exist. Or, they do know and they just don't have the time or inclination to deal with it, so they hire someone like me to do it for them. (And believe me, after going through this wedding planning process, I am very much considering hiring myself out as a wedding coordinator! Not only is there some good money to be made but also many brides' nervous breakdowns to prevent).

So from where we sit, it's fascinating to see how the wedding industry, which is an $86 billion industry in the US alone, plays to people's lack of these skills and knowledge by making brides especially feel that in order to have a really fabulous wedding you need things like a wedding coordinator (upwards of $40/hour), a wedding web site (can cost $50 a month!), letterpress invitations (literally thousands of dollars) and of course, a fabulous dress ($1,000 for a bridal gown is considered 'budget' by most wedding web sites and magazines). I rail a lot on this web site about how the 'bridal industry' pushes this image of an ideal wedding that, oh yeah, happens to cost upwards of $40,000. And I rail against it because I find myself falling for some of their tchotchkes and gimmicks. ("Oh, sweetie, let's get a personalized silk-flower heart-shaped banner that says 'Just Got Hitched' for our limousine for when we leave the ceremony site!"). It's fascinating to observe and experience my own inner little girl getting giggly and swoony over things like letterpress place cards ($200) or heart-shaped personal mini-fondue set wedding favors ($24 each, which would mean over $3,500 for our wedding of 175 guests!).

Don't worry, we're not actually BUYING any of these things, but as a self-confessed marketing sucker, I do admit that the constant bombardment via email, wedding web sites, and yes even junk snail mail of cutesy, adorable wedding trinkets starts to wear down even this hardcore DIY bride. Fortunately, H. and I don't have the kind of flexibility in our wedding budget that would allow us to seriously entertain any truly frivolous expense, so you won't find me making an impulse buy of Lord of the Rings champagne flutes anytime soon.

And that is a damned good thing.