Disappointment and Excitement
I wanted to blog a bit about how this wedding-planning process can be such an emotional, up-and-down roller coaster ride. The emotional stuff that has to do with my own issues about marriage, fears of commitment, high expectations of myself and my partner and family stuff was to be expected, as was the excitement around planning a big wedding and gathering all our friends and family together to celebrate with us.
What hasn't been as expected for me is having the disappointing experience of friends who've been less-than-supportive of H. and my vision of the wedding trying to impose their visions and ideas of what weddings should be on our process. Notice I said friends and not family. Our family has been surprisingly cooperative and accomodating--especially considering that H.'s father and my mother are paying for most of it--and even though they haven't been super-excited about every element of the wedding (e.g. my mom saying in a less-than-approving tone that the simple wooden chapel where we're having the ceremony looks like a 'country church'), they've pretty much held their tongues. I take that as a sign that 1) they know we're not going to change our minds even if they protest; and 2) they recognize us as adults now who can make our own decisions and, more importantly, have the right to.
It's been very disappointing to have one close friend--I won't get into details but if you're an IndieBride Kvetch member you can probably find my post there--who, I think because of stuff going on in their own life, has called me 'very self-absorbed' about the wedding planning and really stressed me out one day by trying to make us rethink some important decisions we'd made, supposedly in the name of helping us 'strategize'. Around what I'm not sure, and the advice was not only totally unsolicited but also completely unhelpful, but this friend has all but blamed me for the argument that ensued, although I tried my best to be patient and explain why we'd come to our decision. It was a fascinating experience of human nature and the clash of needs, and I hope that my friend can soon understand why we can't do it the way they wanted us to, and why their approach wasn't helpful.
It was exciting and helpful, on the other hand, to talk to other folks that are helping to plan the wedding and find out that they're not only happy with how we're moving things forward, but also down to do whatever we need them to for our wedding. These are the folks that I want to stand up for H. and I during our ceremony as our wedding party--people who know that this day truly is about our relationship and the vision we have for how we want to share this ritual with others.
I'm trying to let their excitement take me out of my frustrated and disappointed state when I think about my other friend, but it's hard. Even H. was starting to feel despondent about the wedding, telling me yesterday, 'I wonder sometimes how excited people really are about our getting married.' That made me really sad, and so I shared with him all the supportive words that our friends shared with me, and reminded him that at our next wedding planning meeting (we meet about once every six weeks), we'll get a nice shot of enthusiasm and support from our crew.
So please send positive, uplifting thoughts and energy our way. We're in the home stretch now and we'll need all the help we can get.
What hasn't been as expected for me is having the disappointing experience of friends who've been less-than-supportive of H. and my vision of the wedding trying to impose their visions and ideas of what weddings should be on our process. Notice I said friends and not family. Our family has been surprisingly cooperative and accomodating--especially considering that H.'s father and my mother are paying for most of it--and even though they haven't been super-excited about every element of the wedding (e.g. my mom saying in a less-than-approving tone that the simple wooden chapel where we're having the ceremony looks like a 'country church'), they've pretty much held their tongues. I take that as a sign that 1) they know we're not going to change our minds even if they protest; and 2) they recognize us as adults now who can make our own decisions and, more importantly, have the right to.
It's been very disappointing to have one close friend--I won't get into details but if you're an IndieBride Kvetch member you can probably find my post there--who, I think because of stuff going on in their own life, has called me 'very self-absorbed' about the wedding planning and really stressed me out one day by trying to make us rethink some important decisions we'd made, supposedly in the name of helping us 'strategize'. Around what I'm not sure, and the advice was not only totally unsolicited but also completely unhelpful, but this friend has all but blamed me for the argument that ensued, although I tried my best to be patient and explain why we'd come to our decision. It was a fascinating experience of human nature and the clash of needs, and I hope that my friend can soon understand why we can't do it the way they wanted us to, and why their approach wasn't helpful.
It was exciting and helpful, on the other hand, to talk to other folks that are helping to plan the wedding and find out that they're not only happy with how we're moving things forward, but also down to do whatever we need them to for our wedding. These are the folks that I want to stand up for H. and I during our ceremony as our wedding party--people who know that this day truly is about our relationship and the vision we have for how we want to share this ritual with others.
I'm trying to let their excitement take me out of my frustrated and disappointed state when I think about my other friend, but it's hard. Even H. was starting to feel despondent about the wedding, telling me yesterday, 'I wonder sometimes how excited people really are about our getting married.' That made me really sad, and so I shared with him all the supportive words that our friends shared with me, and reminded him that at our next wedding planning meeting (we meet about once every six weeks), we'll get a nice shot of enthusiasm and support from our crew.
So please send positive, uplifting thoughts and energy our way. We're in the home stretch now and we'll need all the help we can get.
Labels: disappoint, friend, planning, sad, wedding committee
posted by Rona Fernandez | 8:28 AM
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