Bridezilla Here I Come!

I've decided that, in the grand tradition of radical political and cultural activists of color, queer people, etc. who have decided to reclaim the derogatory names that were once used to shame them (e.g. 'fag' or 'dyke' or the N-word), I am going to embrace the title 'Bridezilla'. Not because I think my needs are the only ones that matter on my wedding day--far from it, I've consulted my groom and probably way too many other people about how we should do things and where and why, etc.--but because I truly believe that Bridezilla has come to define and label and target and villify any woman who wants her wedding day to be special, and is willing to go the extra mile to make that happen.

I've already been called 'Bridezilla' by a friend who escalated an argument with me because of a misunderstanding that happened to occur at a particularly stressful period in my wedding planning, when I think I had every right to set a boundary with said friend in order to protect my sanity--in other words, to keep myself from giving in to a request that one person was making without taking into account my needs or my husband-to-be's needs. I've been casually, jokingly called Bridezilla by acquaintances whom I don't think really know how loaded of a word that is, because they asked how the planning was going and I said that I was a bit stressed out about it.

So, damnit, if that's what people are going to define as a 'Bridezilla'--a woman who knows what she wants, and who refuses to let her needs for one of the most important and high-profile days of her life be trampled on by people who can barely know what it feels like to be in her shoes, or a woman who admits to feeling stressed out by the intense work that goes into planning a full-day, 150+ person event--then, yes, I am a Bridezilla! And proud of it.

Really, I'm a Bridezilla in everyday life--a perfectionist, a high-achiever, someone who goes above and beyond the call of duty to perform well for my organization, to help my friends, and to improve my community. But for some reason, when I apply those same standards of excellence and performance to the planning of a day intended to celebrate my relationship with my life partner, all of a sudden I'm a Bridezilla. Odd, isn't it? When I'm doing all those things to help fulfill other people's needs, to take care of the payroll for my staff, or organizing a social justice conference, or what have you, then I'm a fundraising-event-coordination-rock-star-goddess.

But far be it for me to be perfectionist or stressed out about my wedding. Then I'm being a Bridezilla! Is there something wrong with this picture?

So be it then. Bridezillas of the world unite! And I'd lay money on it that there are grooms out there who are just as perfectionistic as their brides about their wedding desires. I know H. has been more picky about certain aspects of the wedding than I have. Funny, though, there's no male equivalent of the word 'Bridezilla' as far as I know.

Kind of reminds me of how there isn't really a good male equivalent for another 'B-word' that we all know and love.

Three Weeks Left!

I was looking at our wedding web page and saw that we only have 23 days left until the big day! I can't believe it. We're fairly on track with all of our preparations--I gotta say, ordering food for our buffet dinner reception from Chinatown is super-convenient, affordable and fairly hassle-free (so far!)--and I'm picking up my dress next week. I haven't had any major meltdowns, and I've even come up with some potential new career options, learned that putting on makeup can be fun and not ruinous to my skin (more on this in a future blog post hopefully), and realized who my true friends really are.

Not bad side-consequences of planning a big wedding! I even think that maybe someday I'd like to write a book for brides (and maybe even grooms) about how to keep your sanity and stay grounded as you plan your wedding. I feel like most of the books I've seen out there are either just about planning, are satirical or serious etiquette books, or are about how to be happy in your marriage. The book I'd want to write would have elements of all those books, but really be focused on how you can stay true to yourself in your wedding planning, and use the process as an opportunity for self-discovery.

It sounds kinda new-agey and sentimental, but it's really true--I've learned a lot about myself and about H., and about our relationship, over the past year of planning. It's been fun and great at times, and it's been draining and even emotionally painful at other times, but it's always been a revealing process.

Wish us luck--we'll need it as we wind down to the big day!